He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
