she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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