not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
