I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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