thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
