He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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