the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
third nipple confirmed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
