Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
