I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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