my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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