a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
