The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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