thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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