Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The air taste purple.
Randomize
