Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
