I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
