Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
