i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
