I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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