i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize