so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
