Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
