A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
