I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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