Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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