I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
