we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
