we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You pole danced in your parka.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
