the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm at about main and main street
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
