She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
