M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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