apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
