I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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