Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
