mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
