dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
