just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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