so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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