And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
