you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
