she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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