Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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