never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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