I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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