I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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