So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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