I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?