nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.