My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.