That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.