You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.