Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?