Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.