Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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