My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
