she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize