First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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