Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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