Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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