She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
