The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
