the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
