Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
