Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
