East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
