I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
