You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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