You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
