no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
