Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
