I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
